I am very, very, and very tired. Our paper deadline was moved from Monday midnight to Wednesday 10:00, and I foresee a couple of hours of further work. I have not had even four hours of continuous sleep since the beginning of February. That is not hyperbole.  I can feel that my brain is swelling.  Once again, not hyperbole. But while I’m in this crazy state, I have had a crazy idea.

CPU’s are getting so complex that I wonder whether people are still “over-clocking” them? I am too lazy to google, but I suspect it is not as common as it once was. The hardware is growing too complex to modify. On the other hand, if it were safe, everyone would (and many do) install a software upgrade that improves their computer’s performance. The human body is many times more complicated than a computer core. We accept human “software upgrades” in the form of vaccinations to improve our performance in fighting diseases, and we take medicine, too. But would you accept an HHU (human hardware upgrade)? Suppose a simple injection containing some gene-therapy magic were available and that it dramatically reduced your chances of getting cancer and, let’s say, made you immune to colds and flu. Would you take it? Suppose it was claimed that it was safe? Suppose it was demonstrated to be safe? Suppose it was also environmentally friendly and freely available to all and condoned by the pope?

And now that you have taken your injection you receive an email from the company advertising their other products. You see, the “Be Safe”™ injection is just the first of many small optimizations that the company offers. Others include

• protections against diseases prevalent in your area,
• protections against sexually transmitted diseases (but not yet 100% effective against HIV),
• protections against myopia and other ocular problems,
• protections against the effects of certain genetic diseases (especially coronary effects),
• a broad spectrum of optimizations that improve on the body’s own repair mechanism so that you recover more easily from injuries,
• a popular but slightly high-end fat reduction/prevention line of treatments (including reduced risk of obesity and diabetes),
• optimizations in overall body chemistry that can improve your energy levels by up to 400%,
• treatments for sexual problems such as lowered libido and erectile dysfunction,
• protections against “cerebral events” that improves your brain chemistry and offer partial protection against certain mental impairments such as schizophrenia,
• and many, many more.

The company does not mention that such “optimizations” are popularly and somewhat derisively known as “gentreats” (genetic treatments) or “gentricks”. Rumors circulate that in the Far East one can buy cocktails that improve your looks (dismissed by scientists who nevertheless mention that if human pheromones were better understood…) and there have been reports of at least one South American pharmaceutical company developing gentricks that can, within the space of a year or two, grow you an extra arm, extra fingers, or body modifications such as spikes on the back or horns on the forehead. (The pope refers to this in Urbi et Orbi; he is not pleased.)

Would you believe it, but the company that gave you that first injection has a name: Google! “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!”

And so I waste another 30 minutes of my precious time.