I have spent most of the last four weeks in bed.  Apart from my one walk and a couple of visits to my office, I have not been well enough to do much except sleep and read.  By this time, I am very tired – physically and mentally – of constant coughing.  Sometimes, I feel as if I cannot breathe and won’t ever be able to again.  But today was the first day that I felt emotionally tired of it.  Usually I enjoy a couple of days of infection, but this long-term immobilization has zapped my spirit.

I cheered myself up with some music (Crowded House, random skip) and that worked fine.  But then I went a step too far.  I read some blog material – bloterial – and Jerry Pournelle happened to discuss Ayn Rand.  I have never read any of her books.  Once around 15 I started “The Fountainhead” but something distracted me before I got very far.  Now I’m glad:  I don’t think I would have appreciated it then.  I have always held a certain fondness in reserve for AR.  Until now.  Wikipedia does not paint a wonderful picture.  It is not biased:  I think it is too objective and truthful.  My impression is that she was not quite on the ball when it comes to her philosophical ideas.  Perhaps there is some bias there and I should read Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged for myself, although their popularity is dismaying.

This negativity lead quickly led to even more depressing thoughts:  the futility of philosophy after 1800, and the general futility of the human race.  Over the last 500 years, we have achieved only two things worth mentioning.  Our greatest redeeming act has certainly been the development of science and mathematics (which arose out of philosophy).  In second place comes art.  A little classical music, a couple of paintings, a couple of books.  Apart from this, almost nothing.  I do not believe in spirit and spirituality, but even if I did, it is clear that we have achieved very little.  Socially we are worse off.  Many of us have conquered our environment, but it is a fragile victory, mainly an illusion, as we are often reminded.

I’m not really sure what one could or should expect, but – apart from science and a little art – nothing rivals our past achievements: the development of language, specialization, and civilization.

I hope this is just the infection talking.